In his International Bestseller Love is the Killer App author Tim Sanders introduced the concept of "bizlove": How to become an impact player by intelligently sharing your intangibles--your knowledge, your network of personal relationships and your compassion. Now, in a new research-driven project, the former Leadership Coach for Yahoo! is exploring what he views as the true indicator of long-term success: likeability.
"The real question is, `How likeable are you?'" says the 44-year-old Sanders, whose book, The Likeability Factor, came out in paperback in May. "I want people to realize that their emotional attractiveness is the tie-breaker in their life. They should be as concerned about being emotionally attractive as being financially and physically attractive. If they were, everybody in their life would be better off. As an author who wants to change the world, I want to instill in people a significance and an urgency when it comes to their emotional P & L."
An irrepressible advocate for good values in the business world, Sanders says a person's "L-Factor" is as dynamic as the stock market--and that it's a highly effective skill that can be improved over time with practice and guidance.
What does Sanders' brand of bizthink have to do with wealth managers? Just about everything.
As a result of his personal dealings with wealth managers over the last several years, Sanders says he reached one overarching conclusion: The engagement between advisor and client is destined to produce an emotional outcome that carries far more weight than rate of return or a portfolio recommendation. "Long after I forget what they did for me," Sanders notes, "I will remember how they made me feel."
Sanders says he once suggested to his financial planner that they create a stock index based on the best companies to work for. The planner's reply? "If you're a drummer, one thing you can do to get fired is say `I have an idea for a song.'"
Sanders was not amused. "He could have told me something far more emotionally intelligent. He could have reasoned with me, and I would have gone, `OK, you're right.' Instead, he made me feel stupid."
In another situation, Sanders fired a wealth manager who had delivered investment returns of 12 percent or better two years running because he didn't like how the advisor made him feel.
"In the end, that 12 percent is a commodity. I can find the same advice somewhere else with someone who doesn't make me panic or make me feel stupid. What causes me to be loyal is someone who makes me feel secure. When I get on the phone, I want a tone of voice that tells me everything is going to be okay. And I will pay any service fee for that feeling," adds Sanders, whose energetic, eloquent and poignant speeches have made him extremely popular on the nation's lecture circuit.
Ultimately, Sanders says, wealthy clients will remain loyal to their advice professionals because of [the advisors'] likeability quotient. And, he offers this interesting heads-up: "It is easier for wealthy people, in my experience, to have contempt for others because they have a sense of entitlement. They feel better or smarter--and that attitude can be pointed right at you. The wealth manager needs to know this is coming. It's one thing to help a poor family get out of debt so they can buy a new car. That's the nicest client you're ever going to deal with. You deal with a $10 million client and they will make you dance with a handgun the first time they meet you," he says. "You need to go into a discovery meeting knowing that this is part of the deal. Accept it--and know that this is where your likeability factor is important. With a high L-Factor, you can defy emotional gravity. They have to value you at an intangible level. In other words, it's important to make your advice financially attractive; just don't forget to make it emotionally attractive."
Basically, says Sanders, your likeability factor is your ability to create positive emotional experiences in others. Here is his road map for raising your L-Factor:
Boost your friendliness. Friendliness isn't an act; it's an outlook. By default, friendly people like other people. Among the "friendlies" Sanders cites: Ellen DeGeneres, Al Roker, Bill Clinton.
According to Sanders, being friendly requires time, attention and mental focus. To maintain a friendly disposition, reconnect with what you are grateful for in life. And importantly, try to eliminate unfriendliness from your behavior. Consider it a weakness, a failure to control yourself.
Develop a friendly mindset by liking yourself, recasting everyone you meet as the solution to the day's problems, and topping your best service. Communicate your friendliness through your eyes and your smile. As Sanders notes, "Don't forget to tell your face. Half-intentions can show on the face and in body language."
Raise your relevance. The more relevant you are, the more people like you. To establish relevance, Sanders says you must connect with others' interests, wants and needs, particularly in areas they are passionate about.
"Relevant people ride the wave of the future," he explains. "They are always wondering, `What does my client need, and how can I give her what she needs?' You need to roll with change. You need to be change. Don't react to change," he adds. "And if you hate change, you're going to hate irrelevance even more."
Highly relevant people also read at least one book a month, according to Sanders. (One of his current picks: Smart Mobs: The Next Social Revolution, Howard Rheingold's book on how technology is reshaping modern culture.)
Show empathy. Building up your empathy is the toughest of the L-Factor challenges, according to Sanders. His prescription: Learn to be a deep and "powerless" listener. As he puts it, "When you connect with someone's feelings, and they believe you are `with' them, it delivers a psychological hug and dramatically boosts your L-Factor."
For example, if a client comes in, pulls out a spreadsheet and complains about investment performance, don't simply ask: "What number? What column?"
"What the client is saying is: `I'm afraid. I'm disturbed.' Focus on the tone of the conversation, the client's facial expressions. With powerless listening, you are communicating: `I'm with you.' Give them space to enunciate their feelings. Most people just want their emotions understood by another human. Wealthy people carry a lot of pressures. They feel no one else knows what they are going through when someone comes into their life and is a nonjudgmental audience, a load has been lifted. And they reciprocate with extreme gratitude."
Keep it real. Whatever society needs the most, it pays the most for. In a post-9/11 world, Sanders says, we want "realness" more than anything. That's why reality shows are so popular.
"When I ask people to identify the most likeable person who makes them feel good and give me 10 reasons why, the word `genuine' is always number one. This is a person who is singing the same song on the inside as on the outside," he adds.
To become real, Sanders says, ask yourself if you are doing exactly what you want to be doing in life. Are you committed to the principles of your work? Are you direct and fully honest with others?
"Realness is about promise-keeping," he says. "If a wealth manager says, `I'm going to do X,' your ability to deliver X is a function of your realness. The ability of a professional advisor to be completely honest is critical. And it's hard. How do you deliver difficult news and still be friendly? My recommendation is that when you criticize things in life, criticize the outcome, not the person."
What's next for the principal of the keepit-real school of thought? A TV reality show based on--what else--the L-Factor.
Ellen Uzelac [ellenuzelac@msn.com] is a financial writer and former national correspondent and West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun.
